To Grow, You Have to Grow Up

Relationships… we’ve all gone through them.

Currently, I am in a relationship with someone who I have quite literally always dreamed of being with. Now I am lucky enough to come home to him every night. The relationship I have right now, would not be as great as it is, it wouldn’t work the way it does, if I hadn’t grown and learned through experiences of other past relationships.

I have been in 2 other “serious” relationships, I guess you could call them that.

The first, was the typical high school “love” where you think you’re going to get married and all of that lovey dovey unrealistic crap but at the time you thought was real true love. It was your first love, ended up being my first heart break too. It was fun, it was obsessive, it was good while it lasted. So I had thought at the time. But looking back I realized I relied on him to make me happy, I gave him the remote control to whether I was happy with joy smiling ear to ear, or crying myself to sleep that night. All I wanted to do was make him happy which in turn took away my happiness. We would fight, ALL the time. I lost myself in that relationship, I changed and not for the better. I lost who I was and the morals and beliefs I stood by. Everyone saw it, but me. And when we came to an end it took me a while to find myself again and become the strong person I was before. I had to learn how to be happy on my own.

I was selfish in that relationship, we were both what you could call crazy and immature… to the extreme. I believe that everyone goes through a relationship like this. Immature, expects the other person to do absolutely everything for them, expects the other person to drop what they’re doing, without putting anything into perspective of the other person. Never thinking about them, only yourself.

The second, I don’t really know how to describe this relationship. My longest relationship I have been in so far. It started off good, I fell in love with him but it lingered from time to time, caused me to make a few mistakes. It was the most selfish I have ever been in my life. I should have ended it when I began to question everything, but for some reason at the time I didn’t. I held onto it for two years. Now I realized why I held on for so long. I was so insecure. I did not want to be alone, he was my backbone. He was there no matter what and he kept me “strong.” This time, I made sure I didn’t give him the key to my happiness but my mind began to subconsciously depend on him. I was scared, and it was comfortable. It was selfish, I know. You don’t have to tell me. I regret it all and am so mad at myself about it because it took me months after it being over to realize why I stuck with it for so long. At the start it was like a perfect little movie, he would do whatever it was to make me happy and I began to depend on it. I took it for granted and I began to expect it. And when it changed, or when something happened, or when he wasn’t able to do something, I would get FURIOUS. No matter how little it was I would get so upset. I never looked at things from his perspective, only mine. I only cared about what I wanted and why I couldn’t have it. (Typing this out just makes me feel like crap…. I was so selfish). I cared about the smallest details, and never the bigger picture. I did not realize until not to long ago that in that relationship I viewed it as 1 person. Not two people. That was not ME. I know I am better than that, I was so damn selfish in that relationship. And he deserved better.

This relationship taught me SO much. I learned that in a relationship you have to put the other person first more times than not. You should NEVER expect anything. Its okay to be alone. Look at things from the other person’s perspective before getting upset. Don’t sweat the small things. Never take anything for granted. Always talk things out in person. Smile more. Do things for the person. I learned so many more things that I can’t even put into words.

The third, my current relationship. We have some growing to do, but because I have grown up because of my other relationships, it makes my current one so strong. We also are crazy about each other, that helps us have a strong relationship too.

 

I have loved this boy since the day I met him in October of 2014. Now I get to come home to him every night and I wouldnt change anything for the world. He treats me like a queen, and I don’t ever take it for granted. I value the small things, and I don’t sweat the small imperfections. I put things in front of myself, I think about him. I look at his perspective at everything. I know that he has his own life too, and his life is not meant to be with me 24/7 (I’d probably kill him if he was), not meant to be at my beck in call. He is supposed to be there for me when I need a hug, tell me the truth, and love me. He tells me what I need to hear, not what I want to. He is straight up honest to me. He helps me when I need it without ever asking, and I try my best to help him too. We are always there for each other, and we work. We work because we are mature, we put each other first, we talk things out when one of us is upset. Communication is one of the only way to get through the tough times. He makes me want to be better. Without him, I would be lost, but I don’t depend on him for my happiness and strength like I have before. I am confident on my own, he just boosts it. I am happy on my own, he just boosts it. We have our own lives, we are two separate people but we are together. I have my friends, my hobbies, my interests. And he has his own. At the end of the day, we come together and live a relationship as two people joined together. Like it should be. We have started to grow, both of us, together hand in hand, but on our own paths. I’m going to a 4 year university and he is about to graduate to get his welding degree. But we make it work. Because we are mature, and we continue to grow together, and because we love each other. We help each other be the best versions of our selves possible. We have a true, hard, real love. (Teddy if you’re reading this I love you!)

The purpose of this is to explain that you have to grow up in order to grow with someone else. To grow as a person, as a relationship, in life… you have to grow up and learn through experiences. There are some things that can’t be taught.

But it was going through the bad to be able to be better to get to the good.

I still have some growing up to do, we all do. But so far, I am becoming a better me because of my past.

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